Wondering where you are
I walk with our own song
I long for your touch
In my mind you’re here with me
Your heart beats against mine
Our destiny’s to be together
It’s in the air all around
I can breathe easily for now

My love don’t get lost
In that misery you call life
Sneaking up with its confusion
It will tear us apart, I know
A leaf flutters by on a sigh
I’ll wait for you
It fills me with warmth
My heart, it beats only for you

Somewhere you’ll remain, always

(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)


Drifting away I feel the closeness
The darkness folding itself around me
Comforting and familiar beyond
Anything I’ve ever felt before
Warmth, security and tenderness
A rush of wind across my face
It soothes the hurting feeling
I have felt since that day
When you left this mortal world
I can almost see you sleeping
Facial expression, utmost peace
I’m there once again
This time knowing how you feel
Never letting go of this sensation
Living life and never regretting
All we did, all a lie
All just dust in the wind
How come I’m here and you’re not
It seems incomprehensible
Yet I feel I know everything
About the sadness and remorse
That must have filled you
During that tiny moment
You were forced to say farewell
To all emotions and memories
All gone until the universe would
Let you become a god in yourself
You always had the knowledge
Of being from another world
I refused to acknowledge, pretended
You would never find out
About this never ending torture
This place we call home
Being just another hellish game
Played with happiness and hate
By all unknowing of the truth
Your always smiling face
Forever branded in my mind
You endured the stares
Of all who did not understand
All those nights I held you close
Attempting to convince you
One day all would be willing
To take that step and listen
But that day never came
It slowly tore you apart
From inside until nothing was left
To keep you on your feet
Your smile slowly faded, disappeared
Yet still you remained
Here with me, holding me
When I needed you to
But that ceased completely
We never found out why
Cause that was the end
Of your time spent with me
Sharing insecurity and happiness
Passion and wonder about
A bleak world that ruined a soul
Unlike anyone we ever knew

(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)


We just stood there
Your breath against my ear
Your cheek against mine
Holding each other
Everything else dissolved
Just you and me remained

As I pull you closer
Realising all that matters
Was just this
Nothing comes close
Your hand on my back
I feel it warms me

I’d never let you go
Unless you wanted me to
Always rather be alone
And see you happy
Than keep you here
And see your spirit wither

Two whispered words
And I close my eyes
One tender touch
I’m yours for eternity
Stars go by on either side
Our path to tomorrow

(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)


Hiding from the intruding world
Everyone kept at a distance
Sheltered between four solid walls
You’re at ease with your restless thoughts
Crosses on the wall, incense burning
Pentagrams etched into schoolbooks
Music is your liberation
Music is your only refuge
Disguised you search the streets
For a real purpose in this seemingly endless life
Dark black night is what you live for
Still happiness never creeps in

When you see him is when you’re inspired
Reading and researching
His bad tidings and mistakes give you hope
That’s why you love him so
Combined with brilliance and arrogance
Keep you interested for a while
Are you living for this hell?
Keeping mum and dad happy
You surely always have them thinking
That your life is fine and pretty
A future headed towards you
Of sunshine and babies

Black make-up painted with care
Helps you stay isolated
Clawed rings and spiked bracelets
Scare the narrow minded away
Downward gaze and avoiding glances
You fail to see those who care
From the beginning you knew
Your destiny forever was to remain
Alone and shielded from the outsiders
They will never understand your caged mind
However hard they try to listen
‘Cause your voice is forever unnoticed

Sitting by yourself, thinking
Of the friends who don’t know you
Hugging and talking everyday
But they never see your shattered spirit
Or your collapsing consciousness
One day they’ll notice and regret
The missing person who remained
Silent as an early spring breeze
Blowing through leafless trees
‘Cause finally you’d have had enough
Of meaningless smiles and unmeant words
That day you will dare to say goodbye

(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)

Middle of Night

Lights go out and you appear before me
Emotions radiate off you in a haze of mist
Slowly you watch
And your heart weeps
Red hot specks of blood

Blood, the same as hers
Invisible she was, no use at all
Just present by the pain
Neglect forced upon you
By her clouding addiction

She never realised
The hurt in your eyes
Her strawberry blonde hair you adored
Like a song, like music
Ripping through your soul

She left you for others
You endured their abuse
You lived with their love
In the middle of night
You wake and you’re alone

It has been so long
Years just disappear
Now, again you’re there
Alcohol rhymes with idiocy
Getting stoned all that really mattered

One-sided conversation in the next room
What in God’s name have you done
Leaving them behind
No tears, no sorrow they’ve seen
But the memories now slowly tear you up

I see you almost crying
I hear it all in your voice
Pain and beauty all at once
Hatred flows from your eyes
Feelings resound and break

Survive tonight it’s all you’ve waited for
Disappointment I see in your movements
Anger voiced literally surprises all
Epic confused thoughts come from inside
Hundreds of smiles directed at you

All this pierces my heart
Wouldn’t have it any other way
Wishing I could remove the sorrow
Replace it with approval
With the one who should’ve been there

She looks at you for the first time
Wonder in her eyes
Watching the stranger
Never ever shared a story
Never a smile

(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)


Your eyes stare at me
You see and yet don’t notice
Where are your thoughts
You think of me
But I’m forgotten anyway
Where have I gone
Somehow I know
Somehow I let go
Somehow I disconnect
Somehow I go on
Somehow I‘m happy

Your smile means more to me
Than all the treasures in the world
More than anything anyone can say
And that includes you
Your eyes speak to me
More than a thousand languages

Somehow I feel
Somehow I notice
Somehow I know
Somehow we understand
Somehow you’re here

Snow falls softly
Like your tears that burn me
All is becoming white
Like my mind goes blank
A universe of difference
Doesn’t matter anymore

Somehow I’m lost
Somehow I’ll never say goodbye
Somehow neither will you
Somehow we know
Somehow we die

In darkness I go on
The rest of my life
Without you holding me
I feel you in the air
I take one breath
And you’re gone

(Arifa Isabel - September 2003)