Heaven Relived / In Death Divine

Silver coat gleams fresh as air
Uncarved as new-grown birch
Unscorched by internal fire
Stag bears its crown and leaps
Ice crystals glittering on the rock
Shards fly and cut deep into earth

But Lord of Forests rules
Amid moonlight and starlight
On those two cold autumn nights
In gloom of entering daybreak
Sleepless world unites to daytime haze
Rivertears form lonely lakes

Believe in your heaven’s fire
Admire the golden forests
Witness the phoenix’s birth
Have faith in the ice sea’s depths
We die and become one

Charcoal black clouds envelop endlessly
Weary life journey heading always
To birthplace of death
The road darkens, horizon nears
Lake glints softly blue
Sacred spell never to be broken

Believe in your heaven’s fire
Admire the golden forests
Witness the phoenix’s birth
Have faith in the ice sea’s depths
We die and become one

Swiftly carried by northwind
The dead’s song calls sweetly
Three-magics child tarries ever on
Northland lingers in her heart
Drowned in pools of dreams
Stream winds a way to the sea


(Arifa Isabel - January 2005)
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Unhearted

Demons dance before my eyes,
How will I find a way to survive?
Everything always dies…

All is dark can’t get out,
However I scream and shout…
Trapped in here no doubt…

Cannot breathe or move…
Have nothing else to lose,
Guess I’ve now paid my dues.

Please say forgive and forget…
Or is that just a wish in death?
Destiny is regret…

Damn you all I’m so sad…
Worldly misery on my path,
And the death of my dad…

White flowers on a grave…
Memories around and deprave,
How I wish to be safe.

My heart lies far from here,
Surroundings to me so dear.
Whatever also I may further fear…

Comfort in a thought, I cry
And love will never be mine…
Need a place to…


(Arifa Isabel - September 2004)

Light

Darkness rages all around
Through my head and in my soul
Discomforting thoughts seek courage
I just search for some understanding
Safety in my mind a place to hide
Somewhere it should be, a refuge
Or stage for celebration
Walking down the corridor now 
Shadows move and attack
Beauty always fled this prison
Fear closes in, frozen I stand
Time slows and love for life cries out
Reaching out to people I love
Meaningless smiles fill my heart
Coldness takes me completely
Drifting off on shallow breaths
Seeing nothing, imagining sound
Trying to hear any kind direction
Falling and reality is lost
Swift cold breeze in my face
Vaguely deciphering some melodies
An angelic form appears, pure simplicity 
Gleaming wings and silver aura
I watch and listen, age old songs
Drifting through me and away with the wind
Utter silence suddenly, safety returns
He lifts a wing and turns, dissolves
Remembering his solemn gaze
Darkness returns and I wait


(Arifa Isabel - September 2004)

 

Madness at Peace

Eternal fire in my heart you are,
Source of my life-energy.
Kept me alive once… at a time long gone…
In the dark of this nightmare winter.
Lately feel… so cold,
Since you left these radiant walkways
Want you always here at my side,
The one for me to gently hold.
Oceans of flowers we watched together,
Now all wilted and dead,
Are today a barren field of grey. 
Lifeless now… yet beauty lies therein.
Where once ever was light…
Condemned to blindness we are.
Feeling quite satisfied… 
Towards the end of emotional suffering,
Too weary of craving thoughts.
I’ll come and find you, darling if I can….
Guide me where the day has died,
Where my life can’t go…
My soul is only dark and blank,
Lonely now…
Gladly saying hello to cheerful death.
In eternity walking by your side,
And search forever lost peace of mind.


(Arifa Isabel - July 2004)

*Painting by Heinrich Harder

The Curse

The fire of hatred scars my soul
As my thoughts wander to centuries past
From whence did I come to this earth?
This torture of endless years it seems
Somehow it's my living destiny
Immortality it once was bliss and satisfaction
I drown in their blood, cries and fear
I choose to live in this neverending darkness
Longing for the days of innocence and beauty
In children’s eyes and falling rain
Through with regretting and forgiving
For it's part of my future history


(Arifa Isabel - January 2004)

Always

Wondering where you are
I walk with our own song
I long for your touch
In my mind you’re here with me
Your heart beats against mine
Our destiny’s to be together
Forever…
It’s in the air all around
I can breathe easily for now

My love don’t get lost
In that misery you call life
Sneaking up with its confusion
It will tear us apart, I know
A leaf flutters by on a sigh
I’ll wait for you
Forever…
It fills me with warmth
My heart, it beats only for you

Somewhere you’ll remain, always


(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)

Ending

Drifting away I feel the closeness
The darkness folding itself around me
Comforting and familiar beyond
Anything I’ve ever felt before
Warmth, security and tenderness
A rush of wind across my face
It soothes the hurting feeling
I have felt since that day
When you left this mortal world
I can almost see you sleeping
Facial expression, utmost peace
I’m there once again
This time knowing how you feel
Never letting go of this sensation
Living life and never regretting
All we did, all a lie
All just dust in the wind
How come I’m here and you’re not
It seems incomprehensible
Yet I feel I know everything
About the sadness and remorse
That must have filled you
During that tiny moment
You were forced to say farewell
To all emotions and memories
All gone until the universe would
Let you become a god in yourself
You always had the knowledge
Of being from another world
I refused to acknowledge, pretended
You would never find out
About this never ending torture
This place we call home
Being just another hellish game
Played with happiness and hate
By all unknowing of the truth
Your always smiling face
Forever branded in my mind
You endured the stares
Of all who did not understand
All those nights I held you close
Attempting to convince you
One day all would be willing
To take that step and listen
But that day never came
It slowly tore you apart
From inside until nothing was left
To keep you on your feet
Your smile slowly faded, disappeared
Yet still you remained
Here with me, holding me
When I needed you to
But that ceased completely
We never found out why
Cause that was the end
Of your time spent with me
Sharing insecurity and happiness
Passion and wonder about
A bleak world that ruined a soul
Unlike anyone we ever knew


(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)

Uncertainty

We just stood there
Your breath against my ear
Your cheek against mine
Holding each other
Everything else dissolved
Just you and me remained

As I pull you closer
Realising all that matters
Was just this
Nothing comes close
Your hand on my back
I feel it warms me

I’d never let you go
Unless you wanted me to
Always rather be alone
And see you happy
Than keep you here
And see your spirit wither

Two whispered words
And I close my eyes
One tender touch
I’m yours for eternity
Stars go by on either side
Our path to tomorrow


(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)

Nameless

Hiding from the intruding world
Everyone kept at a distance
Sheltered between four solid walls
You’re at ease with your restless thoughts
Crosses on the wall, incense burning
Pentagrams etched into schoolbooks
Music is your liberation
Music is your only refuge
Disguised you search the streets
For a real purpose in this seemingly endless life
Dark black night is what you live for
Still happiness never creeps in

When you see him is when you’re inspired
Reading and researching
His bad tidings and mistakes give you hope
That’s why you love him so
Combined with brilliance and arrogance
Keep you interested for a while
Are you living for this hell?
Keeping mum and dad happy
You surely always have them thinking
That your life is fine and pretty
A future headed towards you
Of sunshine and babies

Black make-up painted with care
Helps you stay isolated
Clawed rings and spiked bracelets
Scare the narrow minded away
Downward gaze and avoiding glances
You fail to see those who care
From the beginning you knew
Your destiny forever was to remain
Alone and shielded from the outsiders
They will never understand your caged mind
However hard they try to listen
‘Cause your voice is forever unnoticed

Sitting by yourself, thinking
Of the friends who don’t know you
Hugging and talking everyday
But they never see your shattered spirit
Or your collapsing consciousness
One day they’ll notice and regret
The missing person who remained
Silent as an early spring breeze
Blowing through leafless trees
‘Cause finally you’d have had enough
Of meaningless smiles and unmeant words
That day you will dare to say goodbye


(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)

Middle of Night

Lights go out and you appear before me
Emotions radiate off you in a haze of mist
Slowly you watch
And your heart weeps
Red hot specks of blood

Blood, the same as hers
Invisible she was, no use at all
Just present by the pain
Neglect forced upon you
By her clouding addiction

She never realised
The hurt in your eyes
Her strawberry blonde hair you adored
Like a song, like music
Ripping through your soul

She left you for others
You endured their abuse
You lived with their love
In the middle of night
You wake and you’re alone

It has been so long
Years just disappear
Now, again you’re there
Alcohol rhymes with idiocy
Getting stoned all that really mattered

One-sided conversation in the next room
What in God’s name have you done
Leaving them behind
No tears, no sorrow they’ve seen
But the memories now slowly tear you up

I see you almost crying
I hear it all in your voice
Pain and beauty all at once
Hatred flows from your eyes
Feelings resound and break

Survive tonight it’s all you’ve waited for
Disappointment I see in your movements
Anger voiced literally surprises all
Epic confused thoughts come from inside
Hundreds of smiles directed at you

All this pierces my heart
Wouldn’t have it any other way
Wishing I could remove the sorrow
Replace it with approval
With the one who should’ve been there

She looks at you for the first time
Wonder in her eyes
Watching the stranger
Never ever shared a story
Never a smile


(Arifa Isabel - October 2003)